Sunday, November 21, 2010

For the women I adore

My darling friends - B, C, D, F & K

When I started this blog, I had in mind the group emails that have gone between us. I had in mind the laughs, the truth, the ridiculousness. As is my tendancy (and well you know it) - I have gone and got myself all bloody confused. Instead of just putting out what I have, I've gone and looked at everyone else's blogs and got myself an alarming case of penis envy mixed with stage fright. Fuck.

I miss you guys. There are oceans between most of us, and highways between the rest of us. Sure, there are phonelines too, but it's just not the same. I've had to make new, everyday-type friends. Ones that have children the same age as my boy, ones that don't live faraway, ones that are kind of ticking along at the same pace of life that I am. It's fine. It's nice. But it's not any of you.

My mom has landed herself in a hideous mess. The stupid fuckwit moron she works (worked) for has declared himself bankrupt -ish. I say 'ish' because he's not. He's hiding money all over the show. Away from creditors and the taxman, that sort of thing. I believe the word for it is fraud, yes? My mom does his books, you'll recall, and has recently become aware of much dodgy dealings. Anyhoo, I don't remember what the last straw was for her, but she resigned, she was sort of forced into resigning. She saw a lawyer, and is owed compensation in the amount of some lovely six digit number. Ex-boss denies ability to pay, mom offers to show account balances to the contrary, ex-boss throws tantrum and tries to sue her for holding his personal info, she goes to creditors and offers them info in exchange for payment of amount due to her. Ex-boss starts all sorts of stupid intimidation-type crap including regular drive-bys of her home, appearances at 'private' court hearings, intimating phone calls are being monitored. I'm finding all of this pretty hard to take and not just for the obvious reasons. I half expect a bloody horse head to be thrown into the mix next.

Shane is my most favourite guy in the world ever. I think I might have told you that before, and I still mean it. He's great. He has his quirks, of course, which keep things interesting. Last week I found him wearing socks and slops, and swiftly walloped him across the ear for it. He went on to explain something about slippers being too hot and slops being too cool and this being the perfect solution. I scoffed and threatened everlasting chastity if he didn't sort it out pronto. He ignored me entirely and continues to dress like a chop. I suspect these quirks will only intensify with time, I was looking forward to it, but socks and slops are just too far. Too far. (Shane, I know you read this blog, and now everyone else does too. Sort it out. Seriously. And please bring home takeaways on Friday nights. You will score brownie points and I might even show you a little leg for your troubles. Thanks love x)

Ezra is my most favourite little boy in the world ever. He's getting his two front teeth right now, yip, Christmas came early for him. He's smart, ladies, he is so smart. He has started mimicking our actions, waves goodbye, shakes his head, sings along when I do. He tries to feed himself, he's desperately pretending he knows how to crawl, and his newest trick is pulling himself up to a standing position on our couches. I wish he wouldn't do that, because he hasn't yet learned to put his hands out in front of him when he falls so seems to be continuously face-planting into the floor. His sense of humour is developing rapidly - sneezing, bouncing a ball or twiddling my toes can all send him off into fits of giggles. If I ever figure out how to use youtube I'll send you a link. Too flipping cute.

I am, well, a little bit icky actually. Better than I have been, but still not okay. I thought maybe I was dealing with depression, but honestly, I think there's just a hell of a lot going on and it's all just a bit too close for me to be rational or practical about it. Well, that and the fact that I just really don't have the time to sit down and process the things that are going on. You all know I need a fair amount of me-time. My total time without Ezra since he was born is hovering around 10 hours at the moment, and most of that was spent flying around grocery stores with a trolley, flinging things in at random and hoping I would be home in time for his next feed. I have just stopped breastfeeding (like, three days ago) completely and am finding it quite a relief. Not that I ever minded breastfeeding, I quite enjoyed it actually. But Oh!, to be able to put my boy down on the floor and give him his bottle and to sit back and enjoy a cup of (still hot) coffee without him grabbing for my mug or pulling my hair or yanking on my nipple... Well, let's just say that my pleasures are very simple these days.

I have so much to say ladies, so much that I want to tell you. You are the ones I write to when I open the page that says 'New Post' - but it's hard when I don't get feedback. I'm not complaining or trying to guilt you into anything, it's just really not all that easy to carry on a one-sided conversation. Know what I'm saying?
I hope you don't mind that I've played catch up with you on such a public forum, but if I reverted to email this blog would fizzle and die. And I don't want that.

I have great intentions of making this a weekly event. Kick my ass if I don't, will you?

BEEG love to you all,



  1. Okay, so I'm not one of those ladies you specifically mentioned, but I SO GET where you're coming from. (I'm in the process of weaning #babyparkins off the boob...)

    Loved reading this post - looking forward to many more!

  2. coffee, cake and lunch (perhaps a cocktail even) will happen when we there and the boys will look after the cakes, ag i mean children, so think of somewhere you have been wanting to go and we are going no questions, ifs or buts! I commented dammit you now owe me cake :P

    Or perhaps a picnic down in the meadow, Ill bring the champagne ooo how nice would that look for pictures Ill pack my tripod :D


  3. Um P.S I just made myself one of those ladies <3

  4. Love you back Rosie Posie xx

    @ MamaMeeA - I think I underestimated how tiring and time consuming breastfeeding could be - weaning has definitely given me an extra couple of hours in the day! (Which I have wisely chosen to spend on Facebook and my blog...)

  5. Hi Tammy Lovely post! I also miss my dear friends from years ago! And I know we would still be able to talk about THE WORLD when we get together again...
    I would be very sad to stop breastfeeding, but glad you could make a positive transition!

  6. AAaaaah my friend you write so beautifully i could just keep reading, sorry i have been quiet on my side too, may things to deal with and not much time to myself either, well i'm in for the tea, cake and cocktails so please let me know when the kids are being babysat and us girlies can catchup, sorry to hear about your mum's dramas that's so hectic and congrats on enjoying your tea breaks, love you lots friend! x

  7. I just wrote a really long answer and then tried to do something fancy and lost it all! Here is the summary:
    - I love you
    - You are brilliant and write superbly
    - I miss you and the others who will always be my family
    - I'm currently sitting in my flat, having just cleaned it and am grinning and crying at the same time in my pyjamas that officially have all the flat's dirt transferred onto them
    - Please send your mum my love
    - I want my children to be as cute as yours
    - Shane I love you but take Tammy's fashion advice very seriously.